Welcome to Bones Road

Ageless Beauty Products for the Aged

Questions? Reach out to Bones Road Customer Service —
We’re here for you 24/7, girl! Even though you are no longer a girl and haven’t been in decades!

Hi Bones Road!
I purchased your FAB FIFTY starter kit which was recommended by your Age Calculator Tool, which honestly I thought was kind of silly since I obviously know how old am I and the “Click on the photo of the women that look around your age but are models” questions, well, they felt like trick questions. What is AGE, anyway? But I digress. I’m writing because I don’t feel like the CONSTANT CONCEALER is actually concealing anything — and certainly not constantly. Even five minutes after application, I have dark bags under my eyes. Am I doing something wrong?

Hi!
I’m happy to help you with that. And the answer is, yes, you are doing something wrong. Probably many things. Like not drinking enough water, and not exercising enough and not taking enough Calcium and Vitamin D — and don’t even get me started on that desert of a vagina that you’ve abandoned. Makeup can only do so much! Also, I think that perhaps you did not read the teeny tiny print on the box the concealer came in. Maybe
all five pairs of your readers were in another room or perched atop your head? Because if you had read the super-fine print, you would have seen the disclaimer that states that the concealer, while powerful, cannot conceal the dark specter of death that shadows your soul now that you’re old.